… Michael, his filthy underpants and Spiral! Hurrah! Good bye and good riddance!
Watching TV so you don’t have to!
Monthly Archive for July, 2006
Judging by the following story from the official Big Brother site, Glyn’s time in the Big Brother house really has been journey of discovery, a journey of … cough … personal growth!
It can get stressful in the Big Brother House. You might feel tense, pent up, ready to explode. And sometimes there’s only one way to relieve the tension.
Last night, Glyn felt that way. It involved a shower, a condom and a little private time to himself. Oh, and a little present to Big Brother. And now, he’s regretting it.
“A used condom in the Diary Room. Ha ha. I wonder who picked it up,” pondered Imogen about her compatriot’s late-night deposit.
“Oh no,” said Glyn, the realisation dawning on him. “I have to go home in three weeks or less. And my Dad’s going to be like ‘you had a w*** on telly’.”
Pete gave the grinning teenager a thumbs up.
“What am I gonna say in reply?” said Glyn, stumped. There was a long pause.
“It’ll come to you,” said Pete, eventually.
“I’m just gonna go home and say ‘I’ve done things wrong. I’m really sorry’.”
But Pete disagreed: “Nah. Don’t say anything.”
“I know I’m on telly. But I’m living here as well. And it’s been too long,” explained Glyn.
“So you gonna have another one?” asked Pete.
“In front of the cameras this time,” replied Glyn.
“You’ll be called the Welsh w*****,” said Pete.
“Oh no! It couldn’t get any worse,” shrugged Glyn.
We hope not. We really hope not.
Which gives me an excuse to post the following Monty Python lyrics. Mwhahahaha! 
DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I’ve never been one of them.I’m a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.You don’t have to be a six-footer.
You don’t have to have a great brain.
You don’t have to have any clothes on. You’re
A Catholic the moment Dad came,Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can’t be found.CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,…
CHILDREN:
…God get quite irate.PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed…
CARDINALS:
…In your neighbourhood!CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody’s.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O’er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that’s spilt in vain.EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
Votetastic! It’s a double eviction tonight. This week the nominees are Imogen and Susie, Michael and Spiral (Booooooooooo) and Pete and Richard. I hope M & S go! They are the bookies favourite, 1/9.
For a change, you have to vote for who you want to stay in which sounds like a sneaky way for Endemol to wring even more money out of us!
Jayne Kitt was evicted from the Big Brother House on Friday! Hurrah!
Probably, the best bit from Big Brother so far! Pete singing his song to Richard during the “friends” song contest!
Hey Dickie this song’s for you
Hey Dickie you know its true
Bald head and make up too
And I want to make love to youStuff your face with my sugary love
Stuff your face with my sugary love
Stuff your face with my sugary loveI’ll treat you mean, if you treat me tough
Hey Dickie, with your hot pants tight, big muscles and diva’s bite
Queen bitch’s putting up a fight,
and she’ll dance right through the nightstuff your face with my sugary love
stuff your face with my sugary love
stuff your face with my sugary loveI’ll treat you mean, if you treat me tough
D! I! C! K! He’s a big gay!
That Girl Emily is apparently a blogger who found out her hubbie was cheating on her and decided to get her own back, in a big way! She put billboards up around town and by his office to publicly state and let everyone know he has been cheating on her.
Hell hath no fury … etc!
At yesterday’s G8 summit spoke candidly about the Middle East. Unfortunately, this seems to have been because they didn’t realise that a microphone had been accidently left on (Transcript below). Bloopertastic! There’s also an interesting article about it on the Independent website.
Bush Yo, Blair. How are you doing?
Blair I’m just…
Bush You’re leaving?
Blair No, no, no not yet. On this trade thingy …[inaudible]
Bush Yeah, I told that to the man.
Blair Are you planning to say that here or not?
Bush If you want me to.
Blair Well, it’s just that if the discussion arises …
Bush I just want some movement.
Blair Yeah.
Bush Yesterday we didn’t see much movement.
Blair No, no, it may be that it’s not, it may be that it’s impossible.
Bush I am prepared to say it.
Blair But it’s just I think what we need to be an opposition…
Bush Who is introducing the trade?
Blair Angela [Merkel, the German chancellor].
Bush Tell her to call ‘em.
Blair Yes.
Bush Tell her to put him on, them on the spot. Thanks for [inaudible] it’s awfully thoughtful of you.
Blair It’s a pleasure.
Bush I know you picked it out yourself.
Blair Oh, absolutely, in fact [inaudible].
Bush What about Kofi? [inaudible] His attitude to ceasefire and everything else … happens.
Blair Yeah, no I think the [inaudible] is really difficult. We can’t stop this unless you get this international business agreed.
Bush Yeah.
Blair I don’t know what you guys have talked about, but as I say I am perfectly happy to try and see what the lie of the land is, but you need that done quickly because otherwise it will spiral.
Bush I think Condi is going to go pretty soon.
Blair But that’s, that’s, that’s all that matters. But if you … you see it will take some time to get that together.
Bush Yeah, yeah.
Blair But at least it gives people …
Bush It’s a process, I agree. I told her your offer to …
Blair Well … it’s only if I mean … you know. If she’s got a … or if she needs the ground prepared as it were … Because obviously if she goes out, she’s got to succeed, if it were, whereas I can go out and just talk.
Bush You see, the … thing is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hizbullah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.
Blair Syria.
Bush Why?
Blair Because I think this is all part of the same thing.
Bush Yeah.
Blair What does he think? He thinks if Lebanon turns out fine, if we get a solution in Israel and Palestine, Iraq goes in the right way …
Bush Yeah, yeah, he is sweet.
Blair He is honey. And that’s what the whole thing is about. It’s the same with Iraq.
Bush I felt like telling Kofi to call, to get on the phone to Assad and make something happen.
Blair Yeah.
Bush We are not blaming the Lebanese government.
Blair Is this…? (at this point Blair realises microphone is still on and asks for the sound to be cut.)
This week’s nominations in the Big Brother house are … shock … horror … Jayne and Richard! Kind of predictable! I don’t really like either of them so I’ll be happy whoever goes! Jayne appears to be favourite to get the boot!
Here’s the video of the Zinedine Zidane interview where he discusses the headbutt against Marco Materazzi. (There’s also a transcript below).
He doesn’t mention exactly what was said only that Materazzi repeatedly made insults directed at Zinedine’s mother and sister! That’s pretty disgraceful behaviour from Materazzi so I think FIFA should punish him as well. Best thing to do would be to disqualify both the French and Italian teams and give the World Cup to England! (Well, it’s the only way our lot are ever going to win!)
Interviewer: You know the Italian players well because you played in Italy for five years. Did you have any problem with any of them beforehand?
Zinedine Zidane: Not at all. You always have friction with certain players…that is the game, it has always been like that. But I never had any clashes with anyone.
Interviewer: Nor Materazzi?
Zinedine Zidane: No, never. There was nothing beforehand and nothing in the match until he started pulling my jersey.
He grabbed my shirt and I told him to stop. I told him if he wanted I’d swap it with him at the end of the match.
That is when he said some very hard words, which were harder than gestures. He repeated them several times. It all happened very quickly and he spoke about things which hurt me deep down.
Interviewer: Everyone wants to know exactly what he said…
Zinedine Zidane: They were very serious things, very personal things.
Interviewer: About your mother and your sister?
Zinedine Zidane: Yes. They were very hard words. You hear them once and you try to move away.
But then you hear them twice, and then a third time… I am a man and some words are harder to hear than actions. I would rather have taken a blow to the face than hear that.
Interviewer: He said these things about your mother and sister two or three times?
Zinedine Zidane: Yes. I reacted and of course it is not a gesture you should do. I must say that strongly.
It was seen by two or three billion people watching on television and millions and millions of children.
It was an inexcusable gesture and to them, and the people in education whose job it is to show children what they should and shouldn’t do, I want to apologise.
Interviewer: You apologise to them but do you really regret having done it?
Zinedine Zidane: I can’t regret it because if I do it would be like admitting that he was right to say all that. And above all, it was not right.
We always talk about the reaction, and inevitably it must be punished. But if there is no provocation, there is no reaction.
First of all you have to say there is provocation, and the guilty one is the one who does the provoking. The response is to always punish the reaction, but if I react, something has happened.
Do you imagine that in a World Cup final like that, with just 10 minutes to go to the end of my career, I am going to do something like that because it gives me pleasure?
Interviewer: No of course not. But at the moment you exploded…
Zinedine Zidane: There was provocation, and it was very serious, that is all. My action was inexcusable but you have to punish the real culprit, and the real culprit is the one who provoked it. Voila.
Not content with getting all the housemates nominated, Jayne “The cow from Slough” Kitt has now managed to make sure they’re that they’re going to be hungry and stinky as well! Her punishments so far for not being able to keep her gob shut are the cancelling of the luxury food budget and a ban on hot water for showers and baths!
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