Big Brother 7: Emission Impossible!

Judging by the following story from the official Big Brother site, Glyn’s time in the Big Brother house really has been journey of discovery, a journey of … cough … personal growth!

It can get stressful in the Big Brother House. You might feel tense, pent up, ready to explode. And sometimes there’s only one way to relieve the tension.

Last night, Glyn felt that way. It involved a shower, a condom and a little private time to himself. Oh, and a little present to Big Brother. And now, he’s regretting it.

“A used condom in the Diary Room. Ha ha. I wonder who picked it up,” pondered Imogen about her compatriot’s late-night deposit.

“Oh no,” said Glyn, the realisation dawning on him. “I have to go home in three weeks or less. And my Dad’s going to be like ‘you had a w*** on telly’.”

Pete gave the grinning teenager a thumbs up.

“What am I gonna say in reply?” said Glyn, stumped. There was a long pause.

“It’ll come to you,” said Pete, eventually.

“I’m just gonna go home and say ‘I’ve done things wrong. I’m really sorry’.”

But Pete disagreed: “Nah. Don’t say anything.”

“I know I’m on telly. But I’m living here as well. And it’s been too long,” explained Glyn.

“So you gonna have another one?” asked Pete.

“In front of the cameras this time,” replied Glyn.

“You’ll be called the Welsh w*****,” said Pete.

“Oh no! It couldn’t get any worse,” shrugged Glyn.

We hope not. We really hope not.

Which gives me an excuse to post the following Monty Python lyrics. Mwhahahaha!

DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I’ve never been one of them.

I’m a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.

You don’t have to be a six-footer.
You don’t have to have a great brain.
You don’t have to have any clothes on. You’re
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can’t be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,…
CHILDREN:
…God get quite irate.

PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed…
CARDINALS:
…In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody’s.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O’er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that’s spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

Technorati Tags: Reality TV, Big Brother, Big Brother 7, Glyn